The dynamic

The dynamic of the sister/brother thing.

My sister doesn't listen. She talks, and expects people to hear, but she doesn't listen, and doesn't care about people's needs or wishes. She demands attention, and needs to be needed. Everyone is expected to fall into line and obey her, or face her wrath.

An example of her "help"... I'd just bought a flat with a girlfriend, and Jacqueline insists on "helping" us move in. The flat was in Brighton, were were moving from London, and Jacqueline was living in Ipswich at the time. I said no, I didn't want her help. She'd always been insistent about such things, and this was another one of those times.

Now when I say insistent, I'll give you an idea of just how: when I was in my twenties and living at home, she would insist I didn't lock my bedroom door or lock the door when I was in the bathroom or toilet. Now how fucked up was that? She'd bang on the door, and tell me to undo the lock!

So this day she insists on helping me move into my flat with my girlfriend. I warn her to not come, and tell her that if she does I'll turn her away. But, of course, she turns up. So then when I tell her I don't want her, she throws a fit in the middle of OUR home, smokes right there in the living room, and ends up staying the night - the first night that my girlfriend and I have in our new home.

I wonder if she'd insist on coming on my honeymoon, if I was to get married?

But this is the person I'm trying to deal with. She's not a person who takes NO for an answer. Like the rapist, she doesn't recognise a person's needs at all.

Writing this, I'm realising just how abusive she's been in my life, and just how disempowering her attacks on me have been to me. I realise that these kinds of things have been so defeating, so draining, thoughout my whole life, and I realise now, too, just how much I want this person out of my life forever.

One of the main reasons I came to America was to escape this sister. To escape my whole family, really (with the exception of Janice, who died recently) but certainly to escape this sister, and her clutches.